A night at the email museum

In the hearts and minds of ESPs, ISPs, and just about every proponent of legitimate email, there lies a deep desire to rid the world of spam.  To accomplish this noble goal, I recommend the construction and acceptance of a neoclassical structure known as the International Email Museum.  The museum currently exists only inside my brain, but I have decided to share it with the world. J  Because museums are usually bastions of truth and relevance, one might ask, what would one find inside a museum dedicated to the history of email?

This place of gathering, built especially for email connoisseurs, begins with an insightful history of how spam originated.   The architects of this museum envision a layout that will consist of three floors.  On the first floor, visitors will come to understand the history of Email, and its forefathers.

Given that spam is so ruthlessly prevalent in our daily lives, it is difficult to remember what life was like before such nasty developments as spam and botnets.  Visitors to this floor will take a walk down memory lane, coming to know not only the history but the people associated with legitimate email.  They’ll experience the early days of email firsthand, and come to understand the continuing challenges of reaching the inbox.

On the second floor, the museum, using powerful interactive media, will immerse visitors in the destructive world of spam, highlighting the cumulative losses of billions each year. This floor would stage the epic battle between spammers and legitimate marketers.  The Tug-of-war- between irresponsible senders and ISPs still rages today; however, a foundational knowledge of how this marathon struggle began will, hopefully, shed some light on spam’s eventual eradication. This floor will also feature those who tirelessly create and update filtering algorithms for unwanted mail.   Life size monuments will be erected in dedication to the brave receivers, including, but not limited to, Paul Blair of Tucows, and Steve Champeon of Enemieslist.

When you think that spam in the US costs businesses in excess of 30 billion dollars annually, you begin to ponder whether dedicating only the 2nd floor of the museum is enough.

Victims of Spam

In one respect or another, all of us have been hindered by spam.  And, many of us have witnessed and experienced “death” by spam. J  In the open space at the center of the museum, there will be an important memorial to remember those who we have lost and that those who survived the spam battle.  This memorial will help visitors appreciate and understand the impact of spam by hearing the voices and emotions of suffering receivers globally.   Leading up to the memorial will be tributes to the majestic forefathers of email, dating back to the days when buying lists were appropriate and non-segmentation was part of the uncharted waters of the industry.  This tribute serves to remind visitors of the events that took place before the horror and atrocities of spam. The internationally recognized Email Museum will offer a place for reflection, where memories and emotions can be confronted in an environment filled with hope, inspiration, and a commitment to removing the bane of spam against humankind.

The bottom floor will contain an important educational experience for visitors to further connect with their emotions and leave their feelings.  Visitors will be able to question, interact, and, more importantly, figure out how they can contribute to eradicating spam.  Ultimately, they will commit to be part of a culture that understands, respects, and supports the rights of legitimate senders.

The Café at the Email Museum

On the 3rd floor, will be the famous café. The Café will feature an extensive menu of sandwiches and snacks.   There will be a variety of sandwiches available, as well as other dishes, including “Spam Soup” created by Al Iverson and other classics, such as the McCloskey Melt and the Dayman Dog, which is smothered with private label relish and sauerkraut.   Other popular treats include the Levine Lavash, and the Shneyder Schnitzel.  There is only one thing to remember about the menu at the Email Museum Café: it does not accept cash or credit cards.  At our museum, the only currency you’ll ever need is a reputable IP address, and an above average domain reputation index.

Memberships are currently being accepted.  🙂

Photo Credit: Ned Richards